The Amazing Amazon

I was on a small boat, enjoying the heavenly beauty of the Amazon rainforest. All of a sudden, I saw what I was looking for. I saw a gigantic Anaconda. It was so beautiful that I was willing to go inside it to feel the beauty from inside. So, I tied up my small boat near a shore hurriedly. I jumped out of it and followed the snake. It was evening and I was supposed to get back but I didn’t. I kept following it. The darkness commenced. I forgot my torch in the boat and I lost the snake too. So, having nothing I started following my beautiful intuitions. After a couple of hours, I saw a beautiful girl in the forest. I wondered. Then I found she was tribal. I approached her and asked quietly, “Excuse me, miss. This is Shubham Paul. How are you doing? Would you like to have a cup of coffee with me?” She screamed like a volcano and ran away. That was my first mistake. Right after a couple of minutes, a group of people rushed toward me with sharp weapons which were enough to take the kidneys out my body in a couple of seconds. I was worried. I was scared. I was amazed. I was hungry. I was…

I was captured. Those people were circling me. I felt like I was worshiped. I thought that they saw me as their GOD. I was happy. But wait. This happens with a goat which is to be sacrificed. Was I the goat? Yes, folks. Yes. I was brought near a rock which felt like the headrest of my car but it was not. They made me lie my head on it and I was waiting for something bad to happen. I was regretting only one thing. I shouldn’t have asked that beautiful girl for coffee. All of a sudden, I screamed. I was struggling. Then I switched on my brain and pointed toward a hut. They were forcing me to lie there. And I was forcing them to see the hut. I ran out of there and reached the hut. I told them that I could fix it. They didn’t understand. Obviously. Then I took one stick and fixed it between two wooden pillars which were forming an L shaped structure. It was a simple structural problem. Those stupids didn’t know that a triangular structure is the most rigid structure. They felt good. Then I pointed to other huts and convinced them that I would fix all of them. And they welcomed me. It was not a welcome. It was the silence before the storm.

I was given some tasteless pieces of some animal. I ate them happily. But there was no animal. Who cared? I slept. I woke up next morning and started my work. Simultaneously, I was looking for a right time to escape. The breakfast was served by the same girl. I got excited. She boosted my feelings. I got some pieces of some animal again. She gave a rough smile. She didn’t know how to smile. Then she touched my cheek. As if she touched some precious gemstone. Days went like clouds. And she would come every time and would touch my cheek. It was a very beautiful feeling.

(It’s like you are in deep trouble in an alien world and someone who is damn beautiful understands you and respects your feelings. It’s relaxing, man.)

The day came. Everything was completed. They were cheering. They took me in a hut. Beautifully carved. And something happened to me. They ate me. The last thing I saw was that girl eating my cheek muscles.

Those weren’t animal pieces. Those were pieces of humans. And I ate them. That beautiful girl was a cannibal. All of them were cannibals.

Moral time, folks. Come.

First Moral: Never ask a girl for a coffee in the woods.

Second Moral: Focus on your shit.

Third Moral: When you are respected out of limits for no reason, means you are going to meet the Grim Reaper.

Final Genuine Moral: Some people don’t change their characteristics. It will be an act of foolishness if one tries to change them.