In the inception of the year 2017, numerous people made new year resolutions. Many failed to oblige, while some made waves in their pursuit of the resolutions. However, there were some instances and theatrics in the Indian political subcontinent which stood out of the box. It felt as if Schrodinger had taken the media cat out of the political paradox.
As it started, the television channels vowed their eyes on our very own centurion, the combustion of monosodium glutamate and star of the century- MSG alias Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Ji Insaan. Unfortunately he was caught with his pants down thus forcing the media houses to the beloved saga of Big Boss/Colours wherein a self-styled guru was caught giving his blessings to the fellow inmates with the urinated waters.
Not very much apart from the dominated saga of the peculiar godmen, women empowerment took a revolution. Certain feminist played it out of the box and captured the television audiences glued with their faces- like- Hamanpreet Kaur (a.k.a. Honeypreet). Mithali Raj & Co. nearly won the women’s cricket world cup and triumphed over the Virat Kohli’s side 11 whom lost to Pakistan. Had Virat Kohli and Co. not been donning the Indian colour on their dresses they might have been brandished as national traitors under the POSCo Act, thankfully they weren’t Manmohan Singh nor were they Hamid Ansari. We were surprisingly blessed by Gurmehar Kaur- the blissful daughter of a martyr who was irrepressibly trolled by the IT wings of the saffron cloud- well Pakistan didn’t kill anyone, and there is no saffron clad chads out there. There was also Varnika Kundu who was hounded and nearly trapped by the son of a saffron clad politician (wait what’s there in a colour). These incidents were terrific, brutal, surprising and yet beautiful, thanks to the erstwhile presence of Ivanka Trump which even clouded the visit of the Orange Bob Head- the Trump Senior. Thank you media, and thank you ache din. Modi was proud enough- after all Ivanka Trump shook his hands more often than he has hugged the Orange Bomb in his lifetime.
The year didn’t bring reprise for the opposition which were nowhere to be seen before the anniversary of demon-e-tisation. It was the likes of Mulayam Singh Yadav, the troubled son Akhilesh, the Lamborghini wala son alongwith our very didi who single handedly brought out the spark in Kamal Hasan’s political ambitions. Our Thaliva the Rajni is still contemplating if Sasikala will haunt him like Jayalalitha did by breaking in and out of her 5 star cell.
However, Arvind Kejriwal lost his cough and his battle with the media houses. Once the shining star and the diapered baby of media’ he has been missing since forever. Perhaps a special inquiry headed by Arun Jaitely will bring out a rationale to his disappearance (Kyun G, 10 crore defamation case anyone?). Wait, this catchphrase was reportedly stolen by the congress after its party members were acquitted from the 2G scam. As Kanimozhi and A. Raja would state- what’s there in a name, so says the Ambani/s and the Tata/s.
The darling Kejriwal has been obscured and taken over by another cultural yogi who has risen from the ashes in U.P. The man who is the admin, the judge and the witness of his own cases- Yogi Adityanath. I tell you- he never denied of his Prime Ministerial ambitions, nor did he admit it. Mr. Gujarat are you listening?
Missing from the action were the erstwhile darlings of the media ratings- Barkha Dutt, who after a decade with NDTV disappeared with a legal battle, and the Karan nowhere to be seen Thapar who after a major stint with India Today is replaced by Rahul (not much promising). The two legends of a journalist fail to find any footsteps amongst the shit-hole that television has become.
The election season in India began with bean bag politics, ashwathama thare gayo was nothing more of a distant dream for the congress. The bogul was heard with the slogans of “donkey” digitalisation, financial distress, and not so surprising insults. Thankfully Rahul Gandhi didn’t use any escape velocity here and successfully managed to become a common enemy for the Party in control along with the in pocket media channels. If you still consider him pappu- remember 71% people in the rural areas in Gujarat voted for his party (the 500 crores of PR seems to have begun its magic).
The Modi coverage has diminished marginally, but the Rahul coverage has gained substantially, irrespective of the reasons- good or bad. This looks promising as the opposition suddenly seems to be making out of its own mud-hole, although still trapped within a beehive.
In the times of nationalism, Pakistan still retained the number 1 enemy spot, second by none other than the terrorists in Kashmir. The mutilation of soldiers, the attacks on military bases (Panchkula), the turmoil of Amarnath yatris etc. These were only superbolted by the ever flying king of fisher– Mallya and the masquerading voice of Thesaurus Dr. Tharoor. The television screen was stuck by a white lightning bolt when the nations most wanted farrago of a journalist returned with his Republic- Arnab Goswami.
Meanwhile people were skinned, brutally tortured and murdered at the whim and fancy of the right wing extremists with cows and cowards as weaponries. Unfortunately, the same didn’t ping the interest of the major viewership but that of the social media. Net neutrality is still looming in confusion.
Gorakhpur became Uttar Pradesh’s most famous destination for politicians, while its hospital got ingrained in the Limca Book of records for children deaths and tragedies. Hospitals were and are the social media favorites where common man are stripped naked in the pretext of a cure- Max Hospital, Delhi is a living example of the same. Only if the dead could tell their tales.
The Gujarat elections were led by the Babur and Dabar wave (the Babar song anyone), with the ruling party back to its focus on the plight of the farmers in the communal lines. Padmavati dream sequence popped up with the Hardik sex tapes boosting the hopes of the Karni Sena and the plight of the unemployed youth across the country. Such was the year that even Rahul Gandhi’s pet dog- the ever entertaining- “Pidi” made it to the headlines.
Smriti Irani meanwhile still aims to shed her erstwhile image, the Tulsi back with a bang. The globally beloved Orange Bob kept on targeting the missile man and the unwatchable news channels only to be retorted by the legend Andy Murray. The pride and prejudice of the Indian political drama theatrics swayed from the Dokhlam standoff to the Gujarati fafdas, all to attain better TRP and favouritism of the one who should not be named.
This rise of an oppposition was nothing short of the season end ATP finale win for Grigor Dimitrov, who even stunned the everlasting Federer banter.
The world is a truly happening place, and even if it wasn’t the media would feed it in your mouth. From Amul to Parle-G, Hrithik getting Rann-out, Sonu Nigam singing Dhinchakly, while Anu aunties running from the Saunt master; even Jhonny Sins was seen promoting his work to his Indian fanbase on twitter.
It was a never imagined scenario where the artificial intelligence decided to screw up the human taught language- to be to be to to- to Mark the Zuckerberg of a new era.
Well, whom to blame, for the year 2017 was un-intentionally eventful. Never thought a day would come that I would agree with the Orange Bob and the Missile Man. Just hurry and scatter this remainder of the year to winds.
Oh wait, its nearing 2018 already? A happy new year to you too!